Be patient and try to stay calm

Sometimes people need to take a few steps back before they can move forward. Try to allow space for them to do this. Avoid taking their behaviour personally. Try not to get involved in an argument in the heat of the moment, waiting until you both feel calmer to talk things through.
Find strategies to decrease your own emotional reactivity.

Be compassionate and non-judgemental

When someone is experiencing difficult thoughts and feelings, their behaviour may be unexpected or upsetting, and you may feel unsettled.
Try:

• offering ongoing support to the person, including listening, comfort and assistance to get help.
• validating their experience and distress. Tell them you know that, for them, the experience is real.
• listening to them without telling them they should feel the way they do or that they’re being overly sensitive. You may not understand why they feel like this, but it can mean a lot to acknowledge and value how they’re feeling.
  If you think you understand why they feel the way they do, tell them this. But if you can’t make sense of their feelings, try to find out more from them. Tell them that you really want to understand and ask if they can say more about what they are feeling and why.

Learn the triggers

Talk to your loved one and try to work out what situations or conversations make them think or feel negative thoughts and emotions.

Be practical and realistic

• Learn as much as you can about complex emotional needs and personality disorder.
• As well as emotional support, practical support such as scheduling therapy appointments and making sure they have a reliable way to get there can be real help.
• Where appropriate, find out about their support plan and what role you can play in supporting this. You could also ask to see their safety plan.
• Have realistic expectations. Setbacks can and do happen. Accept that the person is struggling and that life goals might need to be broken down into smaller steps and help them to remain positive.

Give hope and reassurance

• Learn as much as you can about complex emotional needs and personality disorder.
• As well as emotional support, practical support such as scheduling therapy appointments and making sure they have a reliable way to get there can be real help.
• Where appropriate, find out about their support plan and what role you can play in supporting this. You could also ask to see their safety plan.
• Have realistic expectations. Setbacks can and do happen. Accept that the person is struggling and that life goals might need to be broken down into smaller steps and help them to remain positive.

Set healthy boundaries and expectations

it can be helpful to make sure you both know where the boundaries of your relationship are, and what you expect from each other. This can help you both manage difficult feelings and situations. Agreeing how you expect to speak to each other, be spoken to or what you are or aren’t able to help with could be useful things to clarify. Clearly tell the person what you are not prepared to accept (e.g. abusive language, threats, violence of any kind).

Be mindful of the language you use

Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, rather than saying “You scared me when…,” try saying “I felt scared when you…”

Be kind to yourself

As a carer, friend, or family member of someone living with a personality disorder, you might find that you also need support. Caring for someone with a personality disorder can be challenging. You may find yourself putting most of your energy into your loved one at the expense of your own emotional needs. It is important to get emotional support for yourself if are finding it hard to cope:

Talking with a mental health professional

You may benefit from talking to a mental health professional about any distress you experience. A mental health professional can also help you develop boundaries and self-care strategies so that you’re able to enjoy and succeed in your own life.

Joining a peer support group

These groups offer family friends and supporters of people living with complex emotional needs and Personality Disorder the opportunity to connect with others in a similar situation, gain vital support and information, share experiences and resource and feel less isolated and alone.